Quarantine L.A.

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When a virus beings infecting the population of Los Angeles, the entire city is quarantined by the military, but the last survivor of a mission to save an L.A. scientist is doing all he can to help get a small group of survivors out of the city.

If you ever need a reminder of the damage we’ve done to our planet, fly into L.A. The disgusting layer of smog you fly through is enough to make you seriously reconsider how much pollution you leave behind. I don’t even need air anymore and it still grosses me out. If you ever need a reminder of why littering isn’t cool, walk around L.A., there’s so much trash on the ground you’ll get to experience what it’s like to be Oscar the Grouch and it might just make you more aware of what you do with your trash. If you ever need a reminder of just how miserable things get when everyone is really horrible to each other, all you need to do is visit L.A., people are the absolute worst to each other and you’ll realize that just saying hello to a stranger is a small price to pay if it keeps your hometown from becoming like L.A. Basically, if you want to be a better person, L.A. is the right place to get your motivation, the undead roaming the city would actually be an improvement. I think I just came up with their new travel slogan.

In the not too distant future of 2017, a viral outbreak spreads throughout Los Angeles, California, quickly overwhelming the city and causing the government to quarantine the entire area. This turns out to be for good measure when the virus mutates and turns the infected into flesh hungry zombies that will attack anyone on sight, but only at night because zombies apparently follow the same rules as ghosts. A scientist who was working on a cure for the virus was left behind after the city’s quarantine, so a military unit is sent in to retrieve her. Unfortunately, the mission fails and the unit is slaughtered along with the scientist, but the team leader is able to escape the massacre along with another survivor who has some knowledge of the cure that was being created. As the pair make their way to a rendezvous point where they hope help will be waiting, they encounter other survivors along the way and take them along in order to save as many people as possible, but a shady government agency has other ideas and will stop at nothing to keep their involvement covered up, even killing every survivor in the city.

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{Daylight, a zombie’s worst enemy}

If there is one thing I will never understand it’s deciding you’re going to make a movie and then not bothering to find capable actors to star in your movie. I would think that would be at least the second or third most important part of the movie after actually writing the script, casting the right actors. I have seen so many movies that might have otherwise been at the very least okay flicks completely destroyed by terrible actors. I understand that an independent horror film might not have access to top notch actors, but if you’re not going to find someone with the barest minimum of acting talent, then what’s the point of even making your movie? Why not just wait until you have the right people in place to make the best movie you can? It’s just baffling to me because without a good cast, there is no hope for a good fil. You could have the greatest movie in existence, amazing effects work, a compelling story, and perfect dialogue, but if you cast people who can’t act, then it’s destined for failure. Not that Quarantine L.A. had any of those things in the first place, the effects were lack luster, the dialogue is atrocious, and the story is pretty standard, but the terrible, terrible, just really awful acting made it ten times worse than it would have been otherwise. I’ve seen some bad acting before, but this is some of the worst I’ve ever come across. There is not a single decent actor among the bunch, and while they were all bad, there are a few that made this flick exceptionally terrible, to the point Quarantine L.A. is damn near unwatchable.

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{I would not be surprised if they only kept the notebook as a prop so the actors could read their lines}

It’s not just the acting that leaves this film an unwatchable mess though. You also have the amateur camera work and bad lighting. I had to adjust my television’s picture up to near its brightest setting just to be able to tell what was going on for most of the film’s seventy five minute runtime as most of the action happens in the dark due to the zombies immense fear of sunlight…or whatever it was that made them only come out at night (no good sunscreen maybe). It’s a little difficult to enjoy a movie you can’t even see properly. I understand having scenes where you can’t really see what’s going on, it adds to the sense of suspension, but making so much of your movie this way makes no sense as the viewer is never going to be able to see what’s happening on screen and therefore be unable to at all immerse themselves in the film. On top of the inexcusable offense of lighting so poor you can’t really tell what’s happening, there was also ready shoddy camera work that could only have been done by someone who didn’t properly understand how to use one. Don’t get me wrong, I would be horrible to put behind a camera, my hands aren’t the steadiest and I get easily distracted, but that’s why I wouldn’t ever be asked to work on a film. Unless of course they wanted to make a Quarantine L.A. 2 Even Quarantineier (and judging by the anticlimactic ending where everyone just runs off and nothing is wrapped up, I’m guessing that’s the plan) then I probably have a shot in the running judging by how shaky the camera was and how often it swung wildly around like the cameraman couldn’t figure out what he was supposed to be filming.

QLA4

{Here’s a picture of a hedgehog because I love hedgehogs and need something cute at this point}

If you really need an excuse to hate lazy filmmakers for an hour and fifteen minutes, then by all means, give this one a go, just set your television to its brightest setting and get really drunk first. I’m pretty sure copious amounts of alcohol is the only way the acting might be bearable.

 

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Filip Maciejewicz (Seventy-Nine, Treasure Hunters)

Starring: Bo Linton (Seventy-Nine, Ghost Goggles), Eugenia Kuzmina (Dirty Grandpa, Fading Gigolo), and Kelsey Lin

Written By: Filip Maciejewicz (Seventy-Nine, Treasure Hunters)

Released By: Magic Elevator and Alchemy

Release Type: Straight to Video

Release Year: 2013

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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