The Grid: Zombie Outlet Maul

TG1

When a nuclear power plant malfunctions and causes electronics everywhere to come alive, it’s up to remote control Remo and electronic something or other Auto to keep the Volts Gang from giving the now living reactor the power it needs to take over.

I’ve seen a lot of “nuclear power run amok” movies in my life. Hell, I’ve been watching Godzilla flicks since I was a kid, not to mention the plethora of 70’s movies that were all about nuclear energy destroying the world or mutating a certain kind of animal, but never have I seen a movie where a nuclear silo was the actual villain, let alone one that added zombie appliances into the mix. Was that something that people were clamoring for, zombie electronics and a bitchy nuclear silo? Probably not, which actually makes it a possible winner of a film since they managed to come up with an idea so out there that no one else had thought of it. Sure, there have been movies about killer appliances before, Maximum Overdrive comes to mind, but never something like this, something that was animated and could theoretically go places no movie had ever gone. It could be an instant cult hit…or it could be a complete disaster that makes one want to destroy their television in disgust and anger. Which one was it? Well…

The Grid: Zombie Outlet Maul begins with two inept workers who don’t feel like laying the proper grounding wire for the nearby nuclear silo, and, as we all know, lightning and nuclear energy are the two things one needs if they want to give life to inanimate objects. Sure enough, lightning strikes the silo and anything electrical comes to life. Two years later, and humans are gone, replaced by the appliances and such they used to rely on for convenience. Appliances, light bulbs, outlets, batteries, and a host of other electrical items have all gotten bigger, grown appendages, and made a society all their own, a society that lives in fear of Drusilla (the nuclear silo that’s now alive along with everything else) and her lackeys, the Volts Gang. Drusilla has been turned off since the event that gave everyone life for, umm, reasons, they never really say why she needs to stay off considering she’s the reason they’re all alive, and the Volts Gang aims to drain enough power from others so that she can be restarted. In order to avoid giving the Volts Gang what it wants, Auto (I have no idea what the hell he was supposed to be) and his friend Remo (a universal remote) shut down The Energy Bar and go to see a movie, because when your society is facing a crisis, the theatre is usually the best place to be. I say this with no sarcasm, when the apocalypse comes, that’s where you’ll find me. The movie they decide to go see, Zombie Outlet Maul (they worked the title into the movie in the form of another movie, see how clever they are…now that’s sarcasm), a movie that’s not too farfetched in their world as any appliance that goes without power for too long becomes a zombie, something that’s been happening with a worrisome frequency due to a power shortage caused by Drusilla’s shut down. This further begs the question of why it’s so important to keep her turned off, but whatever, story creation isn’t a strong suit for the people that made this turd. That’s really about it, the rest of the movie is Auto and Remo, along with a small group of friends, trying to keep themselves entertained while the Volts Gang searches for power, all leading up to an ending that makes no sense which isn’t too surprising considering the entire movie makes no sense.

TG4

{They must have thought they were so fucking clever with the Energy Bar as well}

I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to describing exactly how awful this piece of animated garbage is. There is just so much wrong with it that if there were ever a film that was D.O.A. before it even started filming, this is probably it. I’m still not even sure what the fuck this movie was all about. Did the people change into electrical stuff or did the electrical stuff just come to life and mutate? I’m assuming they came to life since not long after Drusilla goes crazy they show what looks like an outlet coming to life, but then that means there’s some heavy mutation that went on off camera. There’s a wide variety of things that come to life, and they haven’t just come to life, they’ve grown limbs, facial features have developed, and they’re also a whole lot bigger than they should be. The bar that serves as a center for a part of the film is shown full of people at the beginning, the electrical people simply take it over, yet they seem the same size as the people were since they’re perfectly able to use the bar, minus some who never grew for some reason or another. This brings up another question, why did some grow and some didn’t? Also, how did they come up with a society so quickly? How did they learn to talk? Why is there a fucking S&M lion hiding in the circuit board (yeah, that happens)? Why is it so important to keep Drusilla turned off when people are turning into zombies because of the lack of power? Why was this movie fucking made? I know, I know, it’s a stupid animated movie about walking, talking electrical devices, one isn’t supposed to take it so seriously. I get that. I’m a huge fan of many Adult Swim shows from Cartoon Network, chief among them, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, a show about sentient fast food items that try and solve mysteries when they aren’t attempting various schemes. Two things though, one Aqua Teen can be pretty funny, and two, it’s only about ten minutes long an episode. This piece of absolute trash is not at all funny, much as it tries to be, and you’re forced to sit through an hour and a half of it should you actually desire to finish it, leaving one a lot of time to ponder exactly how little sense the movie makes. To be perfectly honest, had I not decided to review this, I would have shut it off around the ten minute mark, that’s about the point at which their attempt at humor just becomes unbearable.

TG2

{Why aren’t the guitars and keyboard alive…fuck I hate this movie}

I kind of stumbled upon this movie while looking up the credits for a completely different film. I read into it, and it sounded like something that could be right up my ally, a strange flick with an incredibly out there plot that described itself as something for the Family Guy/Simpsons crowd. I’m guessing now that no one who made this movie had never actually seen an episode of either, or that if they did, they only watched the worst episodes each show had to offer, because The Grid is about as unfunny as something can get. Somewhere there is a scale of humor, and at the very bottom of this scale, representing the lowest of the low when it comes to comedy, is a movie poster for The Grid. It’s like watching your uncle get drunk and tell jokes to teenagers that he’s positive are going to be hip and funny but are actually just embarrassing. I started to keep a running tally of all the horrible, stupid, ridiculous times this movie thought it was being funny, but I had to give up early on when I ran out of room on the sheet of paper I was using, understand, that was when The Grid was only at its halfway point. I could almost hear the writers giving each other high fives on how clever they thought they were being. An electrical main turns out to be a lion in S&M gear (get it electrical main, electrical mane, har, har), a ceiling fan named Fannie, or at least I think it was a ceiling fan, it’s hard to tell what a lot of these things are supposed to be, is nothing but a giant butt with fan blades (get it, Fannie, butt, again, har, har), and a female electrical device refers to having her buds spliced instead of having her tubes tied (I’m all out of har, hars at this point). None of it, not a single bit of it was at all funny, it was just stupid. They even joke about the Volts Gang raping women, err, female electrical outlets, that don’t want to be penetrated by their prongs. The outlets beg and plead not to be raped, relenting only when they’re told that they can either have it the easy way or the hard way, but they’re getting raped either way. Isn’t that fucking hilarious? Aren’t these guys just the fucking edgiest? I don’t generally get offended over jokes, humor being a subjective thing and all, but if you’re going to joke about something as serious as rape, you better make sure you at least fucking know how to write a joke that doesn’t come across as “We just think rape is funny.”

TG3

{See those little outlets in the back, that’s supposed to be an elderly couple, they get raped too because elderly rape is even edgier}

Then there’s the constant freaking electrical puns that are splattered throughout the movie with all the subtlety of a Donald Trump speech. I don’t know why no one noticed how old it was getting but holy hell, they just don’t stop, and they are never funny. Some examples of the third grade thinking that went into writing these:

  • “Don’t get so ‘amped’ up.”
  • “Everyone’s on a power strip these days.”
  • “Get away from me tool.” This said to an actual tool.
  • Two light bulbs talking about getting high and how much they can’t wait to get lit.
  • Auto dreaming about having a baby and wishing he’d worn better insulation.

That’s just a sampling of them, but I can go on and on and on because there is a never ending stream of this trash, and it’s even worse when said in one of the film’s various accents, accents that are always atrocious. Whether it’s the generic Jamaican accent of one character or the parody of Beavis from Beavis and Butthead with another character, the accents are all terrible. My guess is they were done purposely terrible so as to be funny, but they came out exceptionally annoying instead.

TG6

{Yeah, that was my face for most of this too}

Now what about the zombie aspect of The Grid, after all, I did watch this movie because I thought it was supposed to be a zombie flick, a very strange zombie flick, but a zombie flick none the less. After watching it, I can now say definitively that this is not much of a zombie movie. Yes, there are a few zombie aspects thrown in with both the movie Zombie Outlet Maul and the three or four zombified electrical people they show, but they feel tacked on and forced in so that a few zombie fans like myself would be tricked into checking this garbage out. Understand, the zombies have no real effect on the movie for the most part and are only shown a few times for a couple of seconds. I’m not even sure how they’re zombies to be perfectly honest, they just walk slower and their eyes go black. That’s it. I’m not sure if they would have attacked anyone or eaten any electrical people, I’m not even sure that they’re actually zombies since the minute they’re given power, the zombified electrics are perfectly fine. I have a feeling that they weren’t zombies in an original version of the flick, only becoming such when the filmmakers realized what a turd they had. The zombies aren’t even talked about much, a few times here and there, before being completely forgotten about, almost like the zombies are an afterthought.

TG7

{Notice the distinct lack of zombies}

The Grid: Zombie Outlet Maul is a movie that should never, ever be seen. All copies should be rounded up and buried in the most inhospitable desert the world has to offer. The animation is terrible (a cross between Blue’s Clues and that awful annoying orange thing), the comedy is nonexistent, and the whole film is an absolute mess. After watching this, I felt like I’d been trolled, like a sign would pop up after the credits that read “Hahaha, we can’t believe you actually watched this piece of cinematic trash,” and even as I write this, I’m still not entirely sure I didn’t get trolled. This is one movie you really don’t want to waste your time with.

 

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Linda Anderson (The Uncommon, The Seer) and MJ Lallo

Written By: Linda Anderson (Triple Crossed, Tactics)

Starring: Harry Ford (Louder Than Bombs, Code Black), MJ Lallo (Mummy, I’m A Zombie, Clay Kids), and Linda Anderson

Released By: Grid ZOM and Small Pond Productions

Release Year: 2015

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Rotten Heads: A Bullet to the Head

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
Image | This entry was posted in Movie Review and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s