Age of Zombies


When history is threatened by the evil Professor Brains and his army of zombies, only commando Barry Steakfries can stop him.

If history was going to be threatened I would hope it was by someone with the awesome name of Professor Brains, and if he was absolutely going to have to be stopped, I would hope it was by someone with the equally awesome name of Barry Steakfries. Also I would assume he would introduce himself at parties as Streakfries, Barry Steakfries. The next major James Bond movie that ends up being made should just feature the end of Bond and the beginning of Steakfries. Picture this, shot cuts into a bloodied and battered James Bond lying on the shores of an ages old Japanese beach, the secret agent having been sent back in time to stop the maniacal Professor Brains from overrunning the past. He’s tried his best, but this time his best just isn’t good enough, multiple sex parties and alcohol induced liver failure not being very helpful in stopping an army of the undead. As the broken agent bleeds to death on the sandy beach, a portal opens up behind him. Zombies approaching Bond stop in their tracks to look at the bluish sphere when a hail of bullets comes from the portal, tearing apart the hordes and saving Bond from an unfortunate death. Out steps our new agent, Barry Steakfries, who blows the smoke from his guns, looks down at Bond, and says, “Step down James, I got this one.” How awesome would that be? It’d be a hundred times better than any of the pre Daniel Craig 007 films. I give full permission for Hollywood to steal this idea, assuming Halfbrick Studios is okay with it and all.

In Age of Zombies you play as Barry Steakfries, a commando with a penchant for big guns, easy woman, and killing zombies, not to mention semi-snappy one liners. Barry is being sent back through time to stop Professor Brains, a mad scientist who has discovered a way to send hordes of zombies backwards through history in order to destroy mankind. Barry must traverse different ages throughout time and shoot every zombie he comes across before making his way to Brains himself. And that’s about it, shoot a shit ton of zombies with an array of weapons until your thumbs get sore or you’ve put the final bullet in the professor himself.


{Or you can start imagining caveman stink which might make you quit too}

You never know what you’re going to get whenever you download a free game on your smart phone. Most are absolute garbage, slight distractions that aren’t even worth the time it takes to download them. Some are a little fun, good for a few hours of play on a day when you can’t figure out if leaving the house is actually worth it. Every now and again though one comes along that is just an absolute treasure, Age of Zombies is in this last category. Almost all of us have downloaded phone games from time to time, usually for the purpose of forcing a boring task to go by just a little bit faster than it would otherwise, so I’m sure most of us are aware of the sheer level of awful games to wade through on places like Google Play or the App Store. Even when you do come across the good ones, you almost always run into the problem of having to pay for the full version after a trial or having to pay to unlock a way to actually beat the game. Personally, I’m a cheap bastard. If I’m going to pay for a game it’s either going to have a board underneath it or go into my XBOX, and I know I’m not among a minority here. Thankfully, Age of Zombies requires no cash to enjoy, and enjoy it you will.


{You can tell he’s enjoying it}

The gameplay is fairly simple. Barry will teleport into a world where he will shoot hordes of zombies coming out of blue time portals all over the map, the map usually being some sort of square with only so much space your allowed to use, including corners where you can get trapped or obstacles that will allow the zombies to swarm you. You will have to run around the map shooting every zombie you can with a host of different weapons that will drop in wooden crates including machine guns, shotguns, a chaingun, a flamethrower, and even a fucking T-Rex, though the dinosaur you don’t really shoot as much as just ride around chomping on the fleeing undead. The controls are two thumb stuck buttons in each corner of the screen, the left controls your movement and the right controls where you aim and fire. There is also a small button above the right control that allows you to throw grenades that will incinerate large groups of zombies. You’ll have either a set number you are supposed to kill or occasionally a boss creature like a zombified robot, the logistics of which I don’t entirely understand, or an undead George Washington. Expect the screen to be constantly full of zombies coming at you at a fast pace and never letting up, meaning you will be continually running and gunning until completing the level requirements. The controls are easy to use and very responsive for the most part. The only issue I found was that the aiming thumb stick button didn’t always want to respond so well, but it was usually a momentary glitch that would right itself after only a second or two. The levels are varied as you travel from a prehistoric era to the 1930’s to Egypt to feudal Japan to beyond, each level will have you fighting that era’s specific type of zombie like cavemen, gangsters, mummies, or futuristic cyborg zombies. The graphics that seemed reminiscent of an old Super Nintendo game helped to make the play even more fun by giving it a very old school feel.


{Flamethrower vs. Mummy seems like an easy win}

This obviously isn’t going to be anything amazing, it’s a free game you can download on your phone, but it was really fun to gun down hordes of zombies with different kinds of weapons while trying to frantically keep yourself from being eaten. I’d highly recommend just giving it a shot the next time you find yourself bored.


The Undead Review


Published By: HalfBrick Studios

Where To Find: Google Play, The App Store, and The Amazon App Store

Release Date: 2014

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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