The Terror Within

TW1

In a post-apocalyptic future (and by post-apocalyptic future I mean about fifteen years ago) the world has finally fallen to the effects of The Cold War by a virus that has mutated most of mankind. Only a few survivors remain holed up in various underground military instillations around the world. When one of these instillations discovers something new about the horrible creatures now covering the planet, they might not live to tell those still human.

I am so glad that for the time I was alive on this planet during the events of the dreaded Cold War, I was too young to understand why everyone was so afraid of the damn Red’s. Why should people fear a color? Or was it maybe a baseball team? No, it had to be the dislike of tomatoes (I was a kid damn it, I didn’t know any better, also thought we lived inside the Earth and the stars were little pinholes to the outside). By the time I reached the age where I would have got it, the only thing my generation was worried about was that Courtney Love might get her own band, man how I wish that worry would have been unfounded. Thankfully, by the time the scare of the 21st century came around (TERROISM, hear it like you would have heard the old ginger Vitus commercials), I was already dead and could have cared less.

Our rip-off, I mean movie, of the week begins after a plague has taken care of most of humanity. This isn’t the type of plague that kills people but the type of plague that turns people into murderous creatures hell-bent on killing men and raping women; that last bit isn’t a joke either, that’s what the so called “Gargoyles” (the name used for the mutated humans) do, kill men, rape women. Most of the world has already been raped to death but there are a few survivors, many of whom live in underground military facilities. It’s at one of these bases that our story truly begins. A reconnaissance group from a base in Nevada is attacked by several of these rape monsters and torn asunder (they were men, so no worries). A second group is sent to find out what happened only to come across a lone female survivor, a survivor who doesn’t seem too happy to have been rescued. A few days later, we discover why. It turns out she was with child, the child of a Gargoyle that had impregnated her. On an operating table to remove what looks like the baby of Chunk from The Goonies, the fetus awakens by ripping out of its mother’s stomach and escapes into the air ducts. The remaining team members must come together and find the hidden alien…I mean mutated baby…before it slowly kills them off one by one.

TW4

{“Hey Guysssssssss”}

You know how people like to bitch and moan about movies today stealing their ideas from older movies, turns out it’s been going on a whole lot longer. This 80’s piece of garbage is a retelling of Alien just with a change of scenery and a little bit of zombie like innuendo. Let’s go over the list:

-Human is brought onboard secure location after suffering unknown attack…check (a miner with a crab on its face in Alien/ an escaping woman in The Terror Within)

-Saved human has an unknown parasite attached to them…check (an alien in Alien/ a mutated baby in The Terror Within)

-Parasite bursts out of the body to escape into the air ducts…check (do I really need to keep explaining how these points are the same)

-Parasite grows quickly and overwhelms the remaining humans by hunting them through the air ducts…check

-Isolated survivors must fend for themselves with…you guessed it…a flamethrower (this includes a bit about someone crawling around an air duct with a flamethrower to kill the creature, no way that’s similar to Alien)…check

-You won’t actually get to see what the creature looks like till the end…check

I mean really, the people who made this flick could have at least tried a little harder to make a different film. Sure, they changed locations, but they still kept the same movie. They even tried the same “let’s not show it until the end” bit which actually makes more sense here because the Gargoyles look ridiculous. I’ve always known that movie trends (especially in the horror genre) tend to follow whatever’s popular at the moment, just look at how many god awful torture porn movies came out after Saw or the string of horrible slasher flicks we got after the original Halloween but this is just fucking ridiculous. This movie is nearly a hands down copy of Alien, only insert underground bunker instead of spaceship. I think the thing that pisses me off so much about this piece of trash is that the original Alien facehugger was based on rape; the studio actually wanted them to make the first victim (John Hurt) a woman but Ridley Scott (this is pre Robin Hood Ridley Scott) would hear none of it, he wanted it to be a man as to make the male audience more uncomfortable. The studio caved and we get one of Sci-Fi’s greatest performances in John Hurt giving birth to a chest baby. The Terror Within says fuck that and turns it into a cheap way to draw people in by showing a woman spewing forth humanity’s destruction. If that were it I’d still hate this movie but it doesn’t stop there, it gets worse.

TW3

{That does not look like it’s going to be getting me very quick, pretty sure I could slowly crawl and he still wouldn’t get me}

TW5

{Crossbows are a good combination with a flame thrower…fuck my life}

Let’s take a look at the Gargoyles, this world’s version of fucked up human survivors who have mutated into rape happy degenerates. They look awful, I mean really, really, really fucking awful; you can actually tell where the neckline for the mask meets the rest of the costume. The Gargoyles looked ridiculous; actually, they looked beyond ridiculous. The main antagonist looks hilarious walking on hands and knees through the air ducts, coming at people with a speed that would give you plenty of time to get away. I’m pretty sure the original Godzilla film had a better suit than this one. I’ve seen a lot of horrible films but few have had a costume that looked this bad.

TW2

{Yeah that doesn’t look bad at all}

I could turn this review into a hours long read but I’ll just shorten it by saying that beyond the rip off factor and the horrible costume, the acting is horrendous, the dialogue is horrible, and the effects are beyond lame. Nothing about this piece of trash called a film is redeemable.

TW6

{At least we get to have this scene that could easily be a new meme}

This is literally a movie you have no reason to see, there is absolutely nothing that makes this film worthwhile and I don’t see the point in spending a lot of space describing why.

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Thierry Notz (Watchers 2, Fortunes of War)

Starring: Andrew Stevens (Pursued, Scorned 2), George Kennedy (The Naked Gun, Brain Dead), and Starr Andreeff (Out of the Dark, Ghoulies 2)

Released By: Concorde Pictures and MGM/UA Home Entertainment

Release Year: 1989

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Rated R

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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