Zombie Town

ZT1

When a parasitic organism begins reanimating the dead in a small, redneck town, it’s up to the few remaining uninfected to stop the parasite from spreading any further.

 

Living rednecks can be kind of fun, undead rednecks though, not so much. See, actual rednecks, I’m talking about the damn near hillbilly kind, love both their beer and their moonshine. Moonshine is bad enough on its own, I can tell you from experience it does some weird things. I’ve had to chase naked friends through the woods after they’ve imbibed and decided it was a good idea to strip down and run through the forest, and if I’m being honest, I’ve had to be chased through the woods sans all my cloths as well after a few too many shots of the shine. Moonshine also has the unfortunate side effect of occasionally making you a little angry, add beer into the mix and that anger goes way the hell up. Now if they’re living rednecks, a few fights break out, what’s left of their teeth gets lost, and everyone wakes up with a hangover feeling like they’ve just been hit by a train. On the other hand, should they be rednecks of the undead sort, when the fighting breaks out people end up getting bitten, and not just living people either. Drunken redneck zombies start biting each other whenever they fight, and it’s really fucking disgusting. I don’t know if you’ve tried undead flesh before but it is absolutely horrendous, and it’s nauseating to watch them bite each other, just disgusting, beyond disgusting even. Trust me, if you had ever tasted it you’d understand. How do I know what it taste like myself? Moonshine does weird things.

Our redneck addition to the Year of the Undead begins with a hunter running through the woods. The obviously terrified man trips over the shredded body of a fellow hunter before being attacked by something off camera and dragged away. The now undead hunter makes his way to an isolated cabin where a few rednecks have shacked up for a weekend getaway and proceeds to zombify the entire group (who despite being hunters themselves never think of using their guns). After what I’m assuming was supposed to be a badass intro (trendy pop metal accompanying flashy scenes) we’re introduced to mechanic Jake who, along with his brother Denton, inherited an auto shop from his father, an auto shop that is failing due to their deceased father’s poor management and Jake’s lack of any kind of mechanical skills. While the brothers argue about their situation we get a bit of foreshadowing in the form of a bloated body floating in a nearby swamp that’s making insect like noises. Before the camera can zoom in on the floating body we switch back to the brothers who are getting a phone call asking them to pick up an abandoned vehicle. After a quick introduction to Jake’s love interest (because you have to have a love interest) the brothers find the vehicle and notice that it belongs to a group that likes to use a nearby cabin, the same cabin from the very beginning of the film, and decide to take a walk in order to see if they can find the owners instead of just towing the car. The pair walk up to the cabin and seem completely oblivious to the not so dead body laying right out in the open, their inattention leading to Denton being attacked. The zombie attacking Denton is killed but Denton himself ends up so injured that Jake must leave him behind and attempt to find help. Jake runs to the town sheriff who agrees to lend a hand but an overturned truck has blocked the local highway, cutting off their search. Luckily they don’t have to look far for Denton as he’s found nearby the blocked road, wandering aimlessly and stuffing bits of flesh into his mouth. Since he seems to have lost his mind the sheriff locks him up hoping they can take him for help in the morning when the truck is removed from the highway. Things aren’t ever that easy in a zombie film though. Once locked up, Denton’s body begins to bloat and dozens of worm like creatures rip through his skin, each one looking for a new host that will further multiply their numbers. Soon the town becomes a zombie war zone and it’s up to those still wormless (shown below) to stop the spread before the overturned truck is removed from the highway and the worms can further infect the country.

ZT2

That last sentence above should tell you how dumb this movie gets. There is a truck blocking one fucking road, if the parasite infected townspeople want to get out and infect others couldn’t they just walk around the damn thing. How are they locked into a town when only one road is blocked off? There’s a whole forest to walk through, or maybe they could walk up to the truck, walk around the truck, and continue down the road. Apparently the only weakness to a parasite infected zombie is a blocked road. Who fucking knew? This whole movie is full of stuff like this, stupid things that ruin the film and kill the story, and a lot of it just comes down to simple fucking laziness. Either someone never cared about the film from the beginning or just outright gave up on it before they started shooting.

ZT3

{The zombies aren’t the only things that have holes in them}

It’s not a rare thing to see a bad zombie movie, there’s plenty of them out there, but it is rare to see a zombie film quite this broken on so many levels. At an hour and a half run time I felt like I was watching the film for days as I waited for the damn thing to end, but it just seemed to go on and on, getting worse as the film time ran down. As I’ve already said, I blame someone’s absolute laziness on how bad this film was, laziness and apathy because no one who cared about what they were making would have made this piece of shit. There was just far too many misses in both how people act and edits that someone should have caught for it to have been anything but sheer apathy. I’ll give you a few specific examples to give you an idea:

  • When the rednecks in the cabin are first attacked in the beginning of the film, why the fuck does no one go for their guns? They were on a hunting trip and their guns were right there, yet they ignore them while the parasitic undead take chunks out of them.
  • How did Jake and Denton miss the body lying in plain view next to the cabin before Denton was attacked? It’s not even hidden, it’s right out in the open where they should have easily spotted it, but they still don’t’ notice it till it starts eating Denton.
  • The sheriff at one point has to go use the bathroom and sits on a toilet covered in blood, ending up infected himself. How does he not see the blood? It’s everywhere but he is completely oblivious to it.
  • There’s one part where it’s night outside when a character walks inside a building yet you can see daylight through the windows before the character walks back outside and into the night again. The laws governing night and day apparently not being the same in the world of Zombie Town.
  • Another part finds the zombies chasing down our protagonists in an ice cream truck. The zombies are a ways behind the truck before it pulls into a building but somehow the zombies wind up inside the building before the truck.

This poor Night of the Creeps copy is chock full of this garbage. The whole movie is just one giant waste of time, and the fact that the filmmakers couldn’t be bothered to actually try and make a decent fucking film is downright insulting to the viewer. The above mentioned problems are such easy fixes that it’s ridiculous they weren’t taken care of.

ZT6

{That’s about how I felt when this film was over, my face was just contorted a bit more and there was a little frothing at the mouth}

Then there are what passes for effects, and what I mean by passing is passing for a 4th grade school film. The effects are pathetic in every sense of the word. No, scratch that, I think laughable would be a better word for it. No, laughably pathetic, yeah, that sounds a lot better. The effects and the makeup are just so bad, there is never an excuse for effects this poor. I’ll get into the awful zombies in a minute, but they’re just one example of what low standards this piece of garbage has. Awful CGI that would have made Ed Wood sigh, bodies that look like mannequins at best and sex dolls abandoned by the director at worst, severed limbs picked up from the dollar store during Halloween, and makeup that looks to have been done with a magic marker are just some of the things you can expect to see in Zombie Town. They attempt to use a very shaky camera so that you won’t notice how bad things look, but it doesn’t hide much. It does make you a little nauseous however.

ZT5

{And if the shaky camera doesn’t make you nauseous the mini afro is bound to do it}

Now let’s discuss the awful zombies. First of all, they look terrible. At first they go for a more decrepit appearance that made me wonder if they just added red dye to mud and flung it at the zombie actors’ faces it looked so terrible. Later, they gave up completely and just started adding a few bits of blood and some red around the eyes. They didn’t look like zombies so much but people with the flu and a bad rash. Second, the zombies act ridiculously. Their mannerisms were poorly executed as the zombies went from roided out psychopaths to stumbling drunks. There were a few times I wondered if the actors weren’t in fact drunk as they piddled around like they didn’t care how they acted. Some walked briskly, some sprinted, and some just shambled, but not a single one reminded me of a zombie. Lastly there was the things about them that were stated but never followed such as the parasite supposedly hooking itself onto the spinal cord while its offspring ate through the body of its host, yet other than Denton no other person was ever eaten from the inside out. Every other zombie did fine with the parasite attached to them, surviving all the way through the film up until the very end. These were some of the worst zombies I’ve seen in cinema.

ZT4

{This was the best picture I could find and it still looks terrible}

If this film had one saving grace it was some of the actors. There are a few actors in this flick that aren’t bad and do a good job with what they had, coming across as humorous at times and passable at others. Sadly, this isn’t enough to save what is already a ruined film. The score alone is enough to scare the zombie lover away, and that’s on top of everything else that’s wrong with Zombie Town. Save yourself the hour and a half and find a better film.

 

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Damon Lemay

Starring: Adam Hose, Brynn Lucas (Last Call Before Sunset, The Vault), and Dennis Lemoine (Illegal Aliens, The Hiking Trip)

Released By: Zapatos Para Todos, and Edgewood Entertainment

Release Year: 2007

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Rated R

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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