Johnny Sunshine: Maximum Violence

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In a brutal world where the undead have destroyed society as we know it, sex, violence, and zombies rule the world of entertainment and no one is better at delivering on all three fronts than pornstar/zombie slayer Johnny Sunshine.

Disgusting humans, that’s all I can say, disgusting humans. Only you would think up something as sick and twisted as hunting zombies for reality television. The idea of humans filming our unfortunate demise not only repulses me but makes me proud to no longer be a member of the human race. Do you see zombies filming shows where we hunt humans? No, of course not, and before you think it, it’s not just because creating movies seems trivial next to the hunt, it’s because we just won’t sink to that level. That and there’s this whole union thing about having to have a pulse and it’s really hard to get around unless you know the right people, just not worth the effort when human flesh is just as satisfying without a camera.

I’d like to tell you what this movie is about, the only problem is, I don’t really know. I watched it, but I don’t know what the hell it was about. I caught some bits and pieces of a story but I could have been grasping for straws. Here’s the little bit I do know:

Years into the future, a zombie outbreak has nearly destroyed the world. Mankind managed to survive the onslaught somehow but are now little more than Mad Max rejects with an obsession for television. Their favorite star? Johnny Sunshine, a pornstar who murders her partners on live T.V. in between hunting down and slaughtering any remaining zombies (also on live T.V.) That’s about it as far as I know, maybe that’s all the movie is about, some crazy emo chick who likes to fuck and kill on television. That is pretty much it; she screws, kills, and then screws again. Oh, and every now and again some annoying dude will pop up on screen to spout philosophy like the Hollywood version of Voltaire (he’s actually just an asshat but doesn’t seem to know it).

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{Artist rendering}

I think this was supposed to be an experiment in zombie torture porn, you know, like Hostel meets Night of the Living Dead, only with even less of a purpose. I can only pray to the gods of horror that it ends with Johnny Sunshine: Maximum Violence. This movie was absolute shit; actually, I think I’m insulting the human digestive system in even calling it that. If there is a lower level than absolute shit, then that’s where this one sits. There is not one thing that I can say I liked about this film. This is easily one of the worst zombie movies ever made.

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{Preferable to having to watch this piece of shit is just have Miss Sunshine torture you}

The effects are horrendous, a real slap in the face to anyone who’s ever actually put effort into creating the gore zombie fans have come to love and adore. It doesn’t even look like they tried but more like they just went the easiest, cheapest route they could. The worst bits are the “sexy” kills or when she offs her partner right at his moment of umm…happiness, all the effects are terrible, but those were the absolute worst. Of course what really makes these scenes that much worse are the actors.

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{This is the face I had while watching this piece of garbage}

Don’t expect to even see a half decent actor in this one, I think they got everyone stoned before sending them in front of the camera because everyone looks like they don’t want to be there and where it shows the most are the above mentioned porno kills. I can’t say I’ve seen torture shown so poorly before, I’d expect people to be going crazy, not looking bored. Even Johnny Sunshine herself is portrayed poorly, coming across as yet another cardboard cutout of a badass.

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{Hollywood logic: add a spiked collar and some blood and a badass is made}

The zombies take the cake though, out of a sea of trash they still stand out as worse than the rest, like the rotted carcass sitting on top of a pile of used cans. Judging from what’s been said about the effects, I’m sure you can guess they look terrible, but there’s another problem that’s even worse…where the fuck are they. They’re supposed to be an ever present danger to the people of this world but you only ever see one or two at a time, and considering there’s probably only a total of seven the entire movie, the undead are almost nonexistent.

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{You’ll see plenty more of her than you care to though}

There is no reason to check this film out. Even if you liked the Hostel flicks, I still can’t see you enjoying this one. Try if you want, but you’ve been warned.

 

 

The Undead Review

 

 

Directed By: Matt Yeager

Starring: Shey Bland, Sean-Michael Argo (Voodoo Cowboys, Cleric), and Ian Argo (Voodoo Cowboys)

Released By: Dissolve Pictures and Brain Dead Films

Release Year: 2008

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Rated R

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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