A Zombie History of the United States

AZH

We all know the watered down United States history we were taught in school, but what about the nation’s struggle with the zombie menace…what about the American desire to rid our shores of the walking dead? Why is none of this ever mentioned in the history books? Why do we not hear about the undead that American heroes such as Lewis and Clark, Daniel Boone, and George Washington had to contend with? Dr. Worm Miller has asked the same thing and decided to put what he’s found down in one extensive tome for you the reader.

Finally, that’s all I can say, finally. We zombies have been waiting for decades to see our contributions to the growth of the United States recognized, hell, we’ve been waiting for over two centuries just to see credit given where credit is due. We petitioned Congress, we wrote our representatives, we even held rallies outside The White House (though this last one usually turned into a feeding frenzy so I guess I can kind of understand why we constantly failed there) demanding our recognition. While it’s true we’ve been eating your kind since there was a your kind, on no country on this planet have we been as influential as we have here in America, so I thank you Dr. Miller from the bottom of my unbeating heart, for your contributions to zombie kind.

There isn’t much of a plot for me to describe here since it’s basically the history of the United States starting with the first migrations of people to these shores and continuing forward to present day. The only difference is that we get to see all the points in United States history where zombies influenced the course of the country. These tidbits include zombies in the Revolutionary War, the hybrid zombie that was Meriwether Lewis, how hybrid zombies (zombies that can think and act as if they were still among the living) affected the Civil War, World War 1, and World War 2, and how zombies continue to help this great country survive.

This little history lesson about zombies in America was amazing, honestly one of the better history books I’ve ever picked up (even if it is a fake history, I only wish zombies were still involved in American politics but we left that shit behind a long time ago). What’s especially great is that Miller uses the real history of the United States of America as a backdrop to what he’s trying to explain, namely the edited out parts that deal with zombies. What he does is to go back and add in those edited out parts while assuming you already know the official line (although the official line is usually so skewered it’s quite often a difficult thing to fully grasp, yeah, I’m looking at you American public education). In other words you probably already know about the Revolutionary War, so there really isn’t a need for him to go back and explain the history there, all he does is add in where the zombies were taken out.

This might make it sound like the book can get confusing, but Dr. Miller keeps everything fairly straight forward by letting you know when and where these event are taking place before going into the undead details. He fills you in on the parts you need to know such as with the journey of Lewis and Clarke for example, he gives you enough so you know where you’re at i.e. how the two of them met, how the expedition was started, etc., and from then on in it’s all about the zombies. There might be bits and pieces of real life history thrown in the mix at times, but after the brief introduction to the historical event or time period, the main focus stays on the zombies. It gave the book a life of its own that made it seem a real part of history and an enjoyable fantasy all at the same time. Something that helped further this feeling were the choices made in which periods to use, some are obvious such as WW1, The Civil War, and so on, but adding in chapters on Teddy Roosevelt and The Lewis and Clarke Expedition only made it that much better.

If I had one complaint about the book it would have to be the hybrids. According to Dr. Miller there existed in history zombie hybrids, zombies that looked and behaved entirely human but walked the earth as an undead menace with a craving for human flesh none the less. At times the hybrid stories were interesting, but at others they just became too fantastical and took away from the history book feeling.

My one admittedly minor complaint aside, I still think this is something that the zombie lover is going to adore. Not that only those with a taste for the undead, but those fans of alternate history are also going to get a kick out of this one, as well as any history buff that likes a good story.

 

 

The Undead Review

 

 

Published By: Ulysses Press

Written By: Dr. Worm Miller (Jonathon Buck)

Released: 2011

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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