ThanksKilling 3

TK 31

Wacked out cartoons, fucked up puppets, a wise cracking murder turkey? No this isn’t the newest Disney flick, this is Thankskilling 3.

You know what I’m thankful for this turkey themed holiday? I’m thankful for door to door turkey salesmen. What, none of you people have ever heard of door to door turkey salesmen? They come around here every Thanksgiving, hoping to find a house or three that forgot to get their holiday turkey and are in need of their very specific services. Of course at my family’s house we’re split down the middle, some of us eat turkey while the rest of us favor something more bipedal in nature. The half that likes turkey was already taken care of, mom got that giant bird weeks ago, but the half of us that needed a more human themed meal hadn’t thought ahead enough to bring our own food. That is where Mr. Door to Door Turkey Peddler came in handy. While mom cooked the turkey, Uncle Steve tested his unifying theory of “How drunk can I possibly get,” and Aunt Joana had to be slapped away from trying to eat the dog (she’s a bit touched in the head for a zombie), the rest of us were given the chance to get our meal and we had the luck of having him come right to us. You would think that in a world where the walking dead were a thing people would be more careful about whose houses they brave. Thankfully for us, this poor sap was not at all prepared for the encounter and now all of us here have a meal. It’s damn hard not to pick at the body before mom finishes the rest of Thanksgiving dinner (living or dead I’m still getting me some ham), but since Uncle Steve sounds like he’s just past hobo drunk I think mom’s almost done cooking. That means I need to quickly get on with this review because no way am I eating cold human.

Our third installment (well, really, second but more on that in a second) in the Thankskilling franchise begins with a bare naked woman in space (Wanda Lust, the same bare breasted Pilgrim from the first movie) being shot by the worst looking spaceship since Ed Wood directed films. This spaceship is piloted by our old friend Turkie, on a mission with partner Pie Let, Pumpkin Pie Let. We soon find out that what we have just witnessed was actually the beginning of Thankskilling 2, a film so horrid that every copy save one has been burned to ash. That’s bad news for the titular turkey named Turkie who had a sinister plan to use the sequel to his low budget introduction for nefarious purposes. Turkie decides that he needs to find the last copy in existence if he wants to continue his plans, so he murders his nagging turkey wife and turns their turkey son evil before heading out on his search (yes, at this point he has an entire turkey family). As Turkie goes on the hunt we are introduced to the one person capable of stopping him, Yomi, a living puppet that has quite literally lost her mind (her mind flew away for reasons yet unknown). Yomi has no idea where she comes from or what she is supposed to do, only that her brain taking a trip on its own has something to do with Thanksgiving and that her key to understanding Thanksgiving is with Uncle Donny, a salesman with a dream (also one of only two actors in this film who aren’t cartoons, puppets, or robots with anal fetishes). The two of them must work together to stop Turkie’s plans or the entire world may sink into wicked, turkey themed destruction.

TK 36

{When this man is your last hope, you know your fucked}

Yes, this is a sequel to a fake sequel to a real movie. The movie’s tagline is “The first movie to skip its own sequel.” Understand, there really is no Thankskilling 2 out there, they went from Thankskilling, a movie about a killer turkey brought back to life by an ancient Indian curse to kill a bunch of raunchy teenagers to Thankskilling 3, a movie about a killer turkey trying to hunt down the sequel to his own movie. It’s a weird but interesting premise that just goes to show the wacked out mentality of the movie’s creators. It’s a sort of Meta way to make a movie and at the same time mock the oddness of the first film and horror sequels in general. It makes for a curious film and adds to the comedic nature, unfortunately the comedic nature the film was going for sometimes gets a little dumb and brings down the rest of the movie.

TK 34

{There’s also this thing which may be the most terrifying puppet I’ve ever seen, or most disgusting, one of the two}

In the first Thankskilling, the best part about the film was the horrible looking turkey with the smartass mouth who killed people in hilarious ways. The rest of the effects however weren’t as bad as the film’s turkey antagonist would imply. It was a funny horror movie that used its cheaply designed Turkey to great success by making him the funniest thing about the film, his dialogue alone is enough of a reason to watch the movie. The problem they ran into with Thankskilling 3 is that they took the terrible looking turkey idea to the extreme and made everything in Thankskilling 3 look terrible. There are only two actual human characters in the movie, everyone else is either a puppet (various turkeys, a talking garbage bag, and a horny worm), a cartoon (a few different cartoon cats with various sexual preferences), or a machine (either an angry turkey plucking machine or the sexual man servant of the above mentioned worm) and all of them look horrible. There aren’t any effects that are done even halfway decent, even the few deaths that are shown look awful. The thing is you can tell that they did so poorly on purpose as a homage to how much everyone loved the horribly done turkey in the first movie, going so far as to show the sticks controlling the puppets as often as possible. I get that they thought it would be funny, and at times it can be, but it just gets old and comes across as them not bothering to try. Sure, it worked with the turkey in the first movie but only because that was one bit of an entire film, a film that was only 70 minutes vs. the 105 minutes the sequel is. It would have been better if they had kept it like the original with a horrible done turkey, maybe a few extra bad puppets but more focus on the turkey.

TK 33

{Just these three puppets would have been fine for me}

The comedy is another thing they took too far and let get awful. The comedy in the first one was silly and perverse but never got dumb. It was well written comedy meant for a horror movie that refused to take itself seriously and it worked like a charm. I spent the first movie cackling like a drunken witch it was so god damned funny, but that same humor that was so well done in the first movie is taken to cartoonish levels here. Most of the comedy is a mix between dirty slapstick and bad puns. It gets old really quick. That’s not to say that it’s all bad. There are definitely some funny moments that are either outright (an Evil Dead 2 parody where Turkie attaches a chainsaw to his missing dick before saying “Gravy”) or hidden, waiting for you to catch them (there is a part where Turkey’s son falls out of the sky and turns to mush, a mush that is censored, Turkey jumps down after him and just underneath him, nearly off camera is a censor bar hanging between Turkey’s legs). It’s just that most of it gets a little dumb (expect a lot of dick jokes as you can see), like a bad Scary Movie copy. The one shining thing that stands just as successfully as the first movie is Turkey’s dialogue, it is absolutely hilarious but he is unfortunately not in the film as much as he should have been.

TK 39

{Instead we get far too much of this pair}

The story, though weird, isn’t too bad. It goes off the rails and doesn’t have much cohesion but it works in an odd sort of way. The film and visual styles also jump around quite a bit. It goes from live action to animated to early 90’s video game without warning. The live action scenes don’t even stay within the same style; it’ll be serious one minute, then a raver acid trip complete with wild colors and techno music the next. I wouldn’t call it a complaint for the most part as the major style changes weren’t bad but I can’t say I was a fan of the few raver scenes as only the first one seemed to actually fit.

TK 35

{This scene fits strangely well though}

I won’t tell you to stay away from this movie completely, but I’m not going to tell you to go out and watch it either. If you haven’t seen the first movie, go check that one out. If you haven’t seen the first movie in a while, go watch it again. If you just watched the first one not that long ago and need some more Turkey, only then should you bother watching Thankskilling 3.

TK 32


The Undead Review


Directed By: Jordan Downey (Thankskilling, Craw Lake)

Starring: Jordan Downey (voices of both Turkey and Yomi), Daniel Usaj (Killing Seven, Win by Fall), Joe Hartzler (Headless Horseman, iSteve), and Preston Altree as the voice of Turkey’s son Nibla

Release Date: 2012

Released By: Detention Films and Gravitas Ventures

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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