ThanksKilling

TK1

Thanksgiving, that wonderful time of the year when we all get stuffed, get drunk, and pass out, but there’s a darker side to the holiday, and a certain killer turkey is about to show us just what it is.

I always hated Thanksgiving, not that I didn’t like spending time with my family and all, well actually I didn’t, but that’s beside the point, what I really didn’t like was the turkey. I know, I know, blasphemy you say, I’m sorry, I just don’t like turkey, never did. I’m Irish, we don’t eat turkey, screw a whole lotta that jazz. Give me a big ole meaty human, or at the very least something pork, and I’ll be happy, but turkey, no thank you. I’d rather eat a hippie, and even the dead are afraid of what they’d catch from them.

Our holiday flick begins in America’s distant past with a nice pair of…well, I’m the gentlemanly type, so let’s just say a certain part of the female anatomy that has the ability to bounce. Is that a gentlemanly way to put it? Yeah, I think it is. Chasing our topless maiden (who the perverted among you will recognize as Wanda Lust) is, and you’ll love this, a killer turkey. That’s right, a killer mother fucking turkey. It seems that the first Thanksgiving was less about the pilgrims helping one Indian tribe wipe out another and more about a cursed turkey. Fast forward a few centuries and a group of college kids are heading up for a vacation only to break down right where the aforementioned turkey was buried. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing normally if it weren’t for the fact that a dog just happened to bring our feathered friend back to life moments prior (turkeys of the killer variety don’t like being peed on, even when dead a buried). As the group is picked off one by one, it quickly becomes apparent that Thanksgiving is going to get a whole lot more interesting. In the words of Turkie “Gobble, Gobble Motherfucker”.

TK5

{He’s a very eloquent turkey}

Okay, I’ll start off by saying that this movie is going to be one you’re either going to love or you’re going to hate. ThanksKilling is pretty much as cheesy as they come. The killer turkey (who talks and has some of the best lines in the movie) looks incredibly fake, but to me it only added to the film’s hilariousness. That’s why people are going to either love it or hate it, this is not a serious horror flick in the slightest, but it is funny enough that it had me cracking up the whole way through. I love it when a horror movie is funny because it’s supposed to be funny. There are a lot of comedic horror movies that are only funny because of how bad they are, either that, or the filmmakers knew their film sucked and just decided to make it funny to cover up the fact that it sucked so bad. ThanksKilling is neither. It’s funny because it was meant to be funny, and it was written with the idea to make people laugh, and laugh I did.

TK3

{Thankfully there is a lot of fodder for our turkey to go through}

I’m not going to lie, the effects are about as bad as they can get, some of the death scenes aren’t too bad but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re good either. If this were a serious horror flick I’d be foaming at the mouth right about now but it works for ThanksKilling, remember, this is in no way intended to be a serious horror flick, so the cheesy effects are great, the greatest of course being the talking turkey himself (known simply as Turkie). More or less he’s a latex head and neck on a foam body and it looks pretty bad, but watching that horrible looking turkey screw a chick from behind (yeah, it’s that kind of movie) was funnier even than the scene in Basket Case where the deformed twin detaches from his brother and rapes his girlfriend (disclaimer: just cause I know some people are going to take that last statement the wrong way and while i don’t usually give a shit what the living think, this time I’d like to clarify, rape is in no way funny, to this day I don’t like watching the original I Spit on your Grave because of how hard the rape scene is to watch, but when a bad puppet head with one arm just bounces against a chick, yeah, it’s pretty funny). You will never see Turkie’s legs because they didn’t even finish the puppet, they just used what they had, literally the cobbled together parts of whatever was left over. He may not look great but he’s still my favorite part of this movie.

TK2

{You almost can’t tell who the real turkey is in this scene}

Still, effects aside, I love this film. The plot is hilarious, I mean come on, killer talking turkey stalks and kills kids all because of a Thanksgiving curse, and the things he does are just too funny. I already mentioned the sex scene (in which he uses a gravy flavored condom by the way), but he also dresses up in disguises to fool people, kills everyone in horribly humorous ways, and has some of the best one liners this side of The Expendables. The filmmakers must have known that they had to make this a true comedy or they were doomed from the start so that’s what they did.

TK4

{Perfectly disguised}

Like I said previously, you’re either going to love this movie or hate it. If you’re a fan of cheese and humor or can laugh at how bad a movie is I think you’ll like ThanksKilling, but if you don’t believe humor should be in horror or you’re the type that turns off a cheesy movie rather than laugh at it, I wouldn’t bother, it probably won’t be something you’ll like. Personally, I can’t wait to watch Part 3, and just in case you’re wondering, there is no Part 2.

 

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Jordan Downey (ThanksKilling 3)

Starring: Lance Predmore (Hellementary: An Education in Death), Ryan E. Francis, and Lindsey Anderson (Terror Firmer), with a special appearance by General Bastard

Released By: In Broad Daylight Films and Warner Brothers

Release Type: Straight to Video

Release Year: 2009

MPAA Rating: NR

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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