The Last Lovecraft

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An ancient relic with the power to bring back the Elder God Cthulhu has been found and it’s up to the last, living descendant of H.P. Lovecraft to keep the world from falling into madness and chaos.

Many people may not know this, but one of the greatest authors of all time, H.P. Lovecraft, was himself in fact a zombie. I know, I know, there’s no way he could have been right? Why do you think his stories were rejected so often? Not because his writing wasn’t great, or even because it was considered too dark and disturbing for audiences of the day. Nope, it was because of the prejudice the dead have always gotten from the living. In fact, the whole “too dark and disturbing” thing was made up just to hide the real story of a great author being shunned because he was living impaired. I know it’s hard to believe but would I lie to you? Only if it was to get out of a bar tab.

Our film begins with a relic being found in the Egyptian Dessert, a relic which unleashes something terrible upon the world. That something terrible’s first order of business is to messily dispatch two boaters before heading to shore. Switch locations and The Council of Cthulhu is being called together for the first time in years to deal with the danger the relic’s being found represents to the world. Only one person is capable of stopping this menace, the last living descendant of H.P. Lovecraft. It turns out that Lovecraft’s stories are based on the actual experiences the author had in dealing with Cthulhu and his ilk. He found half of the relic himself and created the council in order to keep it safe, but now the other half has been found and it’s only a matter of time before Cthulhu’s minions come looking for the last piece they need to reawaken their dark lord. This is where Jeff comes in, a mild mannered and somewhat cynical man working at a gift basket company with his friend Charlie. Jeff has no knowledge of his lineage and when the relic is thrust into his life, he and Charlie head to the only person they can think of with a massive knowledge of Lovecraft, nerdy loner Paul who helps them understand some of what’s happening. Together, and with Cthulhu’s general Starspawn hot on their heels, the three of them must stop Cthulhu from gaining both halves of the relic or watch the world burn.

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{Paul definitely looks like the person to save the world from Cthulhu}

Lovecraft movies are something I take very seriously. H.P. Lovecraft has always been one of my favorite authors ever since I first read The Dreams in a Witch House, so it’s understandable that I expect more from a Lovecraft movie than I would most others. One thing I have never expected though was for a Lovecraft movie to be humorous and that’s what The Last Lovecraft is all about, humor. When I heard the idea of a comedy based on the works of one of the darkest authors in history my first reaction was to groan, followed by spitting out my distaste for the idea before groaning yet again. How the hell can you possibly make Lovecraft funny? Turns out you can, but the results aren’t necessarily the greatest.

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{Cthulhu: Destroyer of Dinosaurs, or at least according to this flick}

One thing that they did do right was in writing the characters, from moody Jeff who is pissed off at having to be a relative of Lovecraft’s to his comic, wisecracking buddy Charlie, to nerdy Paul, who only joins because he doesn’t have any friends to call his own. They are all pretty funny.   Even a few of the body count extras give a good laugh or two before being torn in…um…two. Don’t expect a bunch of strung together jokes though because that’s not the case here, they thankfully did not make the mistake of just giving the audience a ton of one liners like a bad Seinfeld episode, actually like any Seinfeld episode. The dialogue is thoughtful, well written, and very witty. The actors pulling off this banter do a great job. The trio of Jeff, Charlie, and Paul go together perfectly and they pull off their characters flawlessly, really giving the audience the sense they’ve known each other for a while. Their banter is easily the best part of the film and I very much enjoyed watching the three and hearing the arguments they got into. They even left me seriously considering a question they brought up, who would win in a fight…a salamander of a praying mantis? See, that’s a really good question that I just can’t answer despite pondering on it for quite some time (I’m easily distracted by meaningless questions).

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So far seems like a pretty good movie right? Yes and no. There are a few things that just didn’t sit right with me. One was the effects. The few times you get to see anything it’s usually just that god awful CGI blood that looks so damn terrible splattering against a wall. I don’t know why film makers keep using this tactic when it always looks so bad, and I can’t imagine it’s any easier than just tossing a bucket of red stuff on a wall but then again, I don’t make movies, I just bitch about them. The costumes they came up with on the other hand were pretty cool, especially The Deep Ones but that’s where it ends. Second was the story. While the story is interesting and does take the Cthulhu Mythos in a very different direction there was just something that bothered me. They made out so much of what Lovecraft wrote to be real warnings and then added in a bunch of Mythos that has been added since the author’s death. It just bugged the hell out of me. I know it’s really a minor complaint all things considered but I felt that if they were going to use Lovecraft’s words as truth than they should have stuck to only what Lovecraft wrote and not what others added to it. Lastly, the comedy itself. While I did enjoy the comedy it just got a little too slapstick at times, almost slipping into Scary Movie satirical comedy every now and again.

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{Insert obvious face sucking joke}

All in all, this might be a good one time watch but it’s not one you’re going to really want to watch again. If you can find it on Netflix, give it a shot otherwise, don’t bother.

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Henry Saine (Bounty Killer)

Starring: Kyle Davis (Friday the 13th {2009}, Resurrection Mary, {He was also the rapper in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia that everyone thinks is retarded, my favorite episode}), Devin McGinn (Carpool Guy, Universal Remote), and Barak Hardley (Falling Overnight, Bounty Killer)

Released By: Outlaw Films and Dark Sky Films

Release Year: 2011

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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