Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis

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A group of teenage kids break into a maximum security research facility in order to save their friend from an evil scientist intent on perfecting the art of bringing the dead back to life. In their quest to rescue the lost member of the teenage tribe they unleash a horde of experimental subjects from their cells. Now the group and the staff must try and survive yet another return of the living dead.

This movie was an insult to zombies everywhere. I’m dead and I wanted to die all over again watching this bomb. I was near a nuclear blast once that didn’t hurt my eyes nearly as much as watching this piece of shit. Hell, I was once stabbed repeatedly by a group of asshole kids at Walmart and that wasn’t nearly as annoying as realizing someone actually paid to see that this film was made. I can’t say it annoyed me so much that I gave up my quest to devour a certain director with the initials G.L. (he did those movies where a certain thing called The Force was used and then did a bunch of shitty prequels to it) in lieu of chasing down a new director, but it was beyond annoying none the less.

We start off with a commercial, a commercial from a world where Hybra-Tech (a Jack of all Trades corporation with tendrils all over the planet, think of it as a watered down version of the Umbrella Corporation) has dealt with the zombie menace once and for all. That is until Uncle Charley (Peter Coyote) gets his hands on the last three canisters of Trioxin and decides now is a good time to start the living dead experiments all over again. Only this time he’d like to add chain guns and built in knives to his undead subjects. Of course, it’s all fun and games until someone gets eaten. Enter Julian, Charley’s nephew, whose friend gets hurt in a bad accident and, instead of taking the injured fellow to a hospital, Julian takes him to Hybra-Tech’s research facility where Uncle Charley works, a place where the boy is quickly sent off for medical experimentation. Julian and his band of teenage warriors won’t stand for this (I’m not sure what they thought was going to happen but anyways) and decide they are going to break into a maximum security facility where the world’s best new inventions are being held. Unfortunately, things go as they normally go when kids break into top secret facilities, and a horde of vicious zombies are unleashed. Now, the group has to get back out of the facility as well as get away from Uncle Charley’s newest surprise.

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{Ominous Foreshadowing}

Most of the words that come to mind when I think of this movie are all of the four letter variety strung together with comparisons to certain animal genitalia…in other words this movie sucked major donkey dick while managing to still be completely f$5(*#@ ignorant #$&@*& (**##& piece of monkey (*#@#& loving #@*(&, oh, and they did a really bad job. I don’t think I can stress exactly how bad this movie truly was, but I’ll try my best.

Let’s start with the bland characters. Each one got on your nerves more than a rabid monkey with a harmonica and had about as much personality as a Mousekateer reject. You could almost predict exactly what they were going to say before they even said it. I think a drunken bull rider would have had more acting talent then a single one of the so called actors in this flick, with the exception of Peter Coyote, and only God knows why he decided to be in this film.

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{You’ll never want a group of protagonist to die so horribly}

Next, let’s hit up the awesome (I use that word with as much sarcasm as I possibly can) story for this movie. I’m pretty sure whoever wrote this did it while they were coming out of a five year coma. I don’t expect your average zombie flick to have too much when it comes to the story department but give me a fucking break. This one was horrible. Can you please tell me why the most advanced research lab in the country has five guards and no real security? What security they do have is so bad that kids, really dumb ones at that, are able to break in as easily as their able to grab twenty dollars from mommy’s purse (I guess they still haven’t learned since Part 3). The zombies are kept in mesh cages, mesh cages for God’s sake. Yeah, let’s bring a bunch of really angry dead guys with cravings for human brains back to life and then put them behind easily bendable mesh cages. On top of all this, they decided for some unknown reason to make the zombie’s easily killable, every other film the zombies have been impossible to kill, not even with shots to the head but here you can shoot them a few times in the gut and they go down. Trust me, if you really want to watch this still, these are only a few examples. This story had more holes in it than the target on a shooting range.

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{I’m pretty sure the feed room at the local zoo has better security}

Lastly, let us talk about the one saving grace of any zombie movie, the makeup and effects. The makeup was decent, but the effects were just horrible. I’ll give them a little bit of credit due to the fact that while this movie obviously had no budget, the makeup and gore weren’t too shabby.   They could have done much better though if they had just kept to the makeup and gore and not tried to add any of the awful special effects. While I won’t give them a high five for what they did, they can at least have a nod…well, other than Uncle Charley’s “surprise”, giant zombies with chain guns for arms and a bunch of hidden weapons, those just looked fucking stupid.

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{Chainguns, Buzz Saws, and Dreadlocks, have to have the dreadlocks}

I guess what disappoints me so much about this one is the fact that the first three are such great zombie films. It’s really a shame that it degenerated so quickly. It only took them one movie to completely destroy a good franchise. I kind of felt like they whizzed all over fans of the first three with this one. I’d almost go so far as to say this movie is a sequel in name alone.

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{I’m just going to leave this here}

My advice is to stay far, far, far away from this one. There are too many zombie movies out there for you to waste your time on this one.

 

The Undead Review

 

Directed By: Ellory Elkayem (Eight Legged Freaks, They Nest)

Starring: Peter Coyote (E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, Patch Adams), John Keefe, and Jana Kramer (Click, Prom Night)

Released By: Aurora Entertainment and Denholm Trading Inc.

Release Year: 2005

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Rated R

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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