Demonic Toys

Demonic Toys1

When a pair of gunrunners meet with a pair of undercover cops, things don’t go quite as planned, especially when a demon begins bringing the nearby factory’s stored toys to life…with deadly results.

Demonic Toys has a few different demonically possessed toys but the talking baby doll is the one that is most important to me and here’s why, I always had a feeling those fuckers were evil. Just look at that serene face and you’ll have all the proof you need, nothing so peaceful is ever what it seems. Even before this movie. I knew the damn things were out there killing indiscriminately, getting their serenity by offing people whenever they get angry. It only makes sense that the nefarious Teddy Bear Nation would help out in these killings, but I’ve got to say; I was a little disappointed to see the twisted looking Jack-in-the-Box throw his help their way. Anything that looks like it would slit your throat in your sleep and eat your heart while singing Dixie Show tunes can’t really be that bad…right?

Our demonic playthings begin as stored junk in a warehouse full of forgotten toys. While everything is quiet inside, the outside of the building is a whole nother story. A shootout is taking place between two undercover cops and a pair of gunrunners who were selling them weapons. When one of the cops is killed in battle, the remaining one (Tracy Scoggins) wounds a gunrunner, sending both gunrunner and cop scurrying into the nearby toy factory. Here, an immensely lazy security guard spends his time watching television instead of the security cameras, a perfect man to have at the watch if you want to do a little breaking and entering. In between watching Full Moon videos (yeah, I got the joke, Demonic Toys is another Full Moon film, great job Full Moon…this is sarcasm), taking swigs from grandpa’s cough medicine and checking out some tasteful porn, he also manages to order fried chicken from the local grease pit where 80’s bad boy Mark works. The two share a mutual contempt of the world around them, making each one the only person the other can stand. Unfortunately for Mark, he arrives with the security guard’s order just as the wounded gunrunner bleeds on the cursed resting grounds of a very bored looking demon. The demon brings the factory’s toys to life as his tiny slaves and the harbingers of his doom. As the group of humans slowly come together, the toys seal off the factory and begin to hunt them down one by one, intending to make sure that by night’s end the only ones still standing will be the toys.

Demonic Toys4

{The dreaded and evil Teddy Bear Nation}

I was really hoping I was going to be able to give this one a great review since I loved the idea of common toys run amok; sadly, that is not the case. Demonic Toys is a pretty lame movie. It has its occasional moments, but for the most part came across as poorly written, quickly rushed, and rather boring.

The story itself really isn’t that bad, demon brings toys to life to kill those whose blood he needs to reenter this world physically, fairly simple but effective. Unfortunately there are several things that take what could have been a fun ride and mush it up until all that’s left is garbage. The main thing killing it is the lack of any good characters. The acting is subpar itself, but it’s how bad the characters are written that really ruins it. The dialogue is weak, the characters have nothing to them, and they all get on your nerves within the first fifteen minutes (except for the fat, lazy security guard, he I loved, something that had more to do with the actor obviously having fun with his persona and not because he was a good addition). The demon talks too much, the bad boy cries a lot, and Tracy Scoggins is, well Tracy Scoggins…enough said. The other thing that really dragged the film down was how long and drawn out it was. That’s not to say the movie is time wise too long (about an hour and half), but that the story drags so fucking much that it likely could have been over in a half hour and nothing would have changed much. The movie is just boring.

Demonic Toys3

{I can not overly state how awful this woman is}

Now let’s take a look at how the film’s star attractions turned out…in a word, LAME, LAME, LAME (okay, that’s three words, but they’re all the same word). They’re poorly animated for one, something I didn’t understand after having recently watched all of the Puppet Master movies (also done by Full Moon). They obviously have the ability to do a decent job with living toys, but instead give us this weak excuse for FX work. The toys also had no real personalities (with the exception of the killer baby doll and judging by how terrible that was it might be a good thing they left personality out of the killer toys). They just seemed thrown in instead of being a part of the film. I would think when the title clearly spells out the importance of the run amok children’s playthings they would have put a little more effort into it.

Demonic Toys

{Hmm…}

There are also a lot of moments when the audience is going to be able to clearly spot lazy filmmaking, such as the security guard having his face eaten off but looking just fine a second later when dragged down the hall. Props disappear and reappear, characters seem to forget things they just said, and the story devours itself bit by bit as more and more of it falls apart.

Demonic Toys2

{Plus the damn things kill my favorite character}

In the end there really isn’t a reason to waste your time with this. It’s a boring movie that might only get a rise out of a ten year old. If you’re looking for some killer toy mayhem go blow up your old G.I. Joes, but don’t bother with this flick.

 

 

The Undead Review

 

 

 

Directed By: Peter Manoogian (Seed People, Arena)

Starring: Tracy Scoggins (Timebomb, Babylon 5 and Dynasty television shows), Peter Schrum (Trancers, Eliminators), Bentley Mitchum (Sometimes They Come Back, Ruby in Paradise), and Michael Russo (The Toxic Avenger, Barb Wire)

Released By: Full Moon Entertainment

Release Year: 1992

Release Type: Straight to Video

MPAA Rating: Rated R

About The Undead Review

When I was alive I was an asshole and after I died remained pretty much the same, if not a little worse. You’d think becoming a member of the walking dead would mellow a person out, no more worrying about awkward small talk with people, no more having to be politically correct, and the entire world is your upright, bipedal buffet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell to be a zombie, just somewhat irritating at times, especially those times you have to watch a lame movie or read a lame book. Thankfully, when I am forced to watch these films or read those books, I’ve got places like The Undead Review to bitch and moan to my heart’s content. {When he’s not devouring the living or sinking his teeth into a good film The Undead Review (Andy Taylor) spends his time writing his own stories or hunting down the paranormal. Oh, and did we mention his blind dog once saved the world?)
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